No one can deny the explosion of naughty books in today’s romance section, and with the release of a certain trilogy and movie a large number of those are based in the world of BDSM, but what does that really mean? There is a lot of misleading info on what is and what is not acceptable and what is and is not abuse. I tend to take these conversations with a grain of salt or at least I try.
My mother told me not to put any BDSM in my writing. (though I’m almost certain that she called it something different) because they were trying to ban and or boycott books with this type of material.
There is some really great writing out there which tries to shed light on the “lifestyle” but I shake my head at this too. Why does there need to be a lifestyle? Why do we feel the need to chip away pieces of ourselves so that we can fit between the lines of a well defined box imposed upon us by society? It starts at a young age with girls toys and boys toys. Specific gender defined toys and extends into all other areas of life from there.
Not all submissive roles are played by women, because you choose to serve does not mean that you are always on your knees. The coin has many faces as well. For instance just because you lead does not make you dominant. It’s not all whips and chains and kinky fuckery.
There is a beauty in knowing how far your comfort level extends and an even greater beauty in pushing those boundaries in a relationship built on a foundation of trust and communication.
take a long look at yourself. What is it that you desire? When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin? When you are done looking in the mirror turn your attention to your partner what makes them happy? What do they desire most from you but also from themselves? These are hard questions to answer. They require you to be an adult about your sexual decisions. Do you consent? Do you have a safe way to stop things if they progress past your comfort level? If both answers are yes then do as you please and break out of the box you’ve become so dependent upon.